The Existence of Amy* by Lana Grace Riva | Book Review

Trigger warning - this book contains depictions of OCD, depression and suicidal thought patterns.

This is a no spoiler book review.

Hello you lovely folk and happy Saturday! I hope you're having a swell weekend. As I mentioned in my last book review, for a few months now I have been really struggling to get into a book. Only a tiny fraction are cutting it. I've currently got three books on the go and they're all very mediocre. So, I was delighted to read 'The Existence of Amy'* by Lana Grace Riva last weekend because it gripped me straight away and I finished it within a few hours.

What's the story?

From the outside you'd be forgiven for thinking Amy was normal (whatever 'normal' actually means...). She has a great job in digital marketing, brilliant work friends and a nice house. However, we are privy to Amy's perspective, and from the inside her life is a constant struggle. The title pretty much sums it up: she's just existing, not living.

Amy's whole existence is dictated by her OCD (and subsequent anxiety and overthinking) and bouts of depression. She fights with herself to keep up appearances and continue the charade of a normal life but its exhausting.

The book is centred around Amy's work life and her relationships with colleagues Ed, Nathan and Sally. An opportunity arises for the team to go to Australia and Amy fights against all her instincts to make herself go because she can't bear to miss out on yet another brilliant experience. We follow the twists and turns of the working holiday and what happens when they return to England and Amy reaches rock bottom.

What's so great about it?

Amy's psyche and the battles that rage in her head are very skilfully and acutely rendered. What I did not expect however, was to understand, and even slightly relate to, Amy's behaviour. I'm probably going to sound very naive and ignorant when I say this but when I approached this book knowing it was about mental health I thought I wouldn't be able to relate. In reality, as I read this I saw that Amy is simply on the extreme end of a spectrum we're all on to an extent: especially in terms of hygiene in the current climate. I am definitely conscious of having to wash my hands after touching surfaces in public or folk being too close. Amy's OCD is an intensified, uncontrollable, all-consuming version of thoughts we all have from time to time. The interior dialogues she has with her OCD are super insightful. Books educate us and this book has taught me that mental health issues are not some unknowable divergent force but something we could all potentially experience.

I was so invested in this book. It's clear to everyone, except Amy herself, that she needs to open up about what she's experiencing and get help. The author does a really good job of making us feel simultaneously frustrated with, and understanding of, Amy. 

I also loved the characterisation of Amy's friends. I've actually written in my notes 'The office friends are SO NICE. I'm smiling and laughing as I read. I want to work w them!'. There's an interesting dynamic between how Amy views herself and how others view her - they seem completely at odds. All her lovely work colleagues are really keen for her to socialise with them. Through her colleagues we get to know a different side of Amy: the person she could be if her mind wasn't dominated by OCD. What I also loved about her friends was that each of them has their own struggles behind a seemingly 'perfect' exterior.

Amy's friends also provide a soundboard of things we've all probably thought or said without considering what's going on in other people's heads. The prime example here is when Amy overhears Sally saying 'She's a canceller'. I've leapt to this simplistic conclusion before about people in my life. I hope now I've had insight into the other side - how desperately Amy wants to follow through with plans but is overruled by her anxieties - I won't be so quick to judge people. Similarly, at points in the novel I was so willing for Amy not to overthink that I started to wonder what I might be missing out on in life because of my own overthinking. Again, Amy's psyche mirrors an intensified version of what we might all struggle with sometimes and forces us to interrogate aspects of our own life.

Overall

Vivid. Real. Relatable.

I am absolutely in awe of this book. Not only is it a brilliant story you become wholly absorbed in within a few pages, it also provides an honest and piercing portrayal of mental health which leads the reader to reflect on their own life and thought-patterns. 

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is new to mental health fiction and enjoys a good story. 

As stated at the beginning, this book has some raw explorations of OCD, anxiety and depression so if these are experiences you are struggling with it may be triggering. It's always best to look after yourself first and explore other narratives later when you are in a mentally safe space to do so. Please make use of these Mental health helplines if you are worried about yourself or someone else. 

You can find out more about Lana Grace Riva's work or buy your copy of 'The Existence of Amy' from Amazon. I highly recommend you do both!

If you like The Existence of Amy you will also like:

• 'Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine' by Gail Honeyman
• 'Seven Imperfect Rules of Elvira Carr' by Frances Maynard

*I was very kindly gifted this book by the author. As always, all opinions are 100% honest and my own.